I
grew up in a parish with a church built in the 1870’s by German immigrants. The
edifice they built was a large Gothic style church that stood out on the edge
of the Mississippi River bluffs overlooking the old part of the town. It still
stands out even though the suburban sprawl of the St. Louis area has surrounded
it. The red bricks and large steeple give a sense of something bigger and
definitely inspired people to look up to the heavens.
The
church also has quite beautiful stained glass windows that gave me lots to look
at while struggling to maintain attention to preaching that had not yet reached
my ears, mind or heart. Behind the main altar were three stained glass windows
that had images for each part of the Trinity. On the left panel is a dove
descending from the heavens representing the Holy Spirit. The panel on the
other side is a lamb with bearing a white flag with a red cross representing
Jesus.
The
middle panel is a representation of God as an all-seeing eye. You could imagine
what might rush through a child’s mind. I found it interesting and slightly
disturbing at the same time. One thought was the puzzlement of why the US $1
bill had stolen this image from my church! Another thought that frightened me
was that God was watching me from that window. I’d imagine God judging me for
telling white lies in school and at home. Even worse was the judgment He must
have for me while I was tussling with either of my sisters during Mass. God
must have also been pleased when his eye saw my parents leading us out of
temptation by sitting between us.
 |
| I watching you Wazowski. Always watching. |
When
I was a freshman in high school I distinctly remember a series of questions our
religion teacher posed to us on the first day of class: “What is your image of
God? Is God a Creve Coeur cop in the sky looking to bust you? Or is God a
loving Creator?”
As
I reflected in my young mind and soul I was struck by how basic this question
about the matter of the divine was. It was amazing to me how different my view
of the world around me was because it reframed my image of God. It helped begin
extricating me from a worldview of fear about what would happen to me when I
fell short of how a Christian should live.
Before
that point I remember religion teachers and others giving us an image of a
vengeful, wrathful God that reinforced what I was seeing in the eye. There were
also those who had given us such a squishy view of who God was that a young
impressionable mind had trouble even conceptualizing God. As a result it was
easy to attach scornfulness and judgment to the eye. I would say that I lived
under a lot of fear about how God felt about me and I treated others that way
as well.
So
how do I see God? I sometimes do still
see God as a Creve Coeur cop in the sky looking to bust me for going a few
miles over the speed limit, and it’s hard to get that image out completely.
More than not I see him as a loving and patient parent. A parent who sees who I
am completely with all of the gifts I give to others and all of the times I fail,
but through it all still loves me.
I
had the opportunity to go back to my home parish recently. I looked at that eye
and it struck me that maybe the eye, as a representation of God the Father,
wasn’t as judgmental as I had viewed it while I was a child. Was God looking
down at me with love? During my father’s funeral Mass in that same church was
God looking at the many mourners with compassion and at my father’s soul with
joy at a life well lived? Does God look out at all of us and our joys, sorrows,
with the tenderness of a loving parent? I certainly hope so.
*Nota Bene: These photos were taken and provided by Dan Dotson. You can find him at www.dwdotson.com. Also, All Saints Catholic Church in St. Peters, Mo. is having a capital campaign to restore and protect the stained glass windows in the church. Donations are appreciated!
